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Foster
Parent Appreciation Message 5/24/01 Several weeks ago I
was with a group of child welfare workers and we were discussing some of the
challenges of the profession. As we were bemoaning the challenges and
frustrations of working with a variety of kids, we began to discuss the
challenges of foster parenting. We began talking about what it meant to be a
foster parent and the discussion eventually digressed into how you can tell
someone is a foster parent. In the spirit of David Letterman’s Top Ten List,
here are the ways you can tell you are a Foster Parent . . . 10.
You are one of the few people who purchase the extended warranty on a
washing machine, smiling at the nice salesman who thinks he's getting over on
you. 9.
The principle of the neighborhood public school locks the door when he
sees you coming. 8.
You have three beautiful daughters, all named Heather. 7.
There are 2 or more of you in the home who are pregnant at the same time. 6.
You have three Parent/Teacher conferences, all for the same day, all for
the first grade, in two different grade schools. 5.
You have more children than vehicle. 4.
You wind up talking to the therapist longer than your kids do. 3.
Your case worker asks you to take the child for "just a few
days" and you know what that REALLY means. 2.
The term "basically a good child with a few problems" doesn't
mean the same thing coming from a case worker as it does in the real world. 1.
Your heart is bigger than your brain! In my almost ten
years of professional work in child welfare I have come to appreciate that
foster parenting is perhaps one of the most challenging and most important
components of the child welfare system. As a Foster Parent, you respond to the
calling to care for children, to take them into your homes, and to transition
them into the next phase of their lives–sometimes for weeks, and sometimes for
almost the child’s entire childhood. I
describe your response as a calling–not a job, you don’t get paid enough to
call it a job; and not a choice, because if you had the wherewithal to chose you
certainly would not expose yourself to all of the trials and tribulations of
fostering. It is a calling, a response to some inner drive to respond to the
needs of kids who need you. What make someone a
good foster parent? The obvious answer is “Love.” You have to love the kids
and you have to love being a foster parent. Although love is necessary to be a
good foster parent, it isn’t sufficient. As a psychologist and
a clinician, when faced with questions such as these, I tend to look at the
research to see how it can inform me concerning the question at hand. Some of
the research may surprise you, some of it may simply reinforce what you already
know intuitively, but regardless, I think it is important to allow research to
inform us as we carry out the task of fostering children. When taking on a
challenge as difficult and important as caring for a child, I propose that the
task is too important to rely on intuition or tradition alone. So, what does the research say are the
characteristics of good foster care placement? Safe–
safe from the conditions which brought them to care, safe from emotional
cruelty, safe from physical cruelty, safe from sexual abuse, safe in the
knowledge that someone will be their to meet their basic needs. Stability–
established early, and sensitive to the needs of the child.
Consistent rules, consistent interaction with others, consistent
environment. Structured–
fostering a sense of direction for the family and individual, not
bullying. Delivering the child out of a sate of “limbo”. Consistent
consequences for misbehavior and reinforcement for positive behavior.
Consistently applied limits which help the child understand what is acceptable
and what is unacceptable. Supportive–
allowing the child to “normalize” their existence and learn to
explore and meet their own needs. Creative–
helping a child develop the skills to creatively and appropriately
transition into the adult world. Caring–
experiencing a sense of genuine concern for the child’s welfare.
Positive interactions between the caretaker and the child. Tonight I would like to thank you for responding to your calling to be a foster parent. I thank you for being willing to share your love with the children with whom you have been entrusted. I hope that you will respond to the research and seek out ways to improve on the care that you provide to the kids. And most, I would like to thank you for possessing the #1 characteristic on the top ten list, having a heart bigger than you brain! |
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